at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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