I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
