This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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