Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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