So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
