my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
that's an acceptable place to lick
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
