waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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