Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
