You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
