I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
