shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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