did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Randomize
