We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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