if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
