if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize