The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
