His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
