i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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