So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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