Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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