she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
