No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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