Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize