i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
