I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
