Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
