So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize