We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
