similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Someone shattered a urinal.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
