Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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