I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
