Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
soo... how was my night?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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