whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
