My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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