he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
