i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
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About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
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the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
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