Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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