Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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