The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
