and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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