I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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