Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
