worst night to have a conscience
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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