bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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