Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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