Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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