ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
