There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
