mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize