Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
