I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
