Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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