I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
