She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
