I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
