Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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