For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
