I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
