I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
