I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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