Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm going to jail i love you
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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